So if you don't watch The Walking Dead (eh hem, Caroline), I'm not entirely sure what you're watching on Sunday nights (I mean it's set in Georgia, so it's Southern). Being that the season 4 finale was last night, obvi I was ranting to C all weekend about my excitement/anxiety regarding the end of the season. This quickly moved into me going into great detail about my plan of action if The Walking Dead happens in real life. I originally wrote this for my personal blog (sealedwithsass.wordpress.com) after the mid-season finale, and while most of my plans are the same, I'm throwing in some new ideas.
You might read this and think "Wow, this girl is super weird and crazy," but after watching The Walking Dead I literally know exactly what and what not to do. Most of the people on the show do the most ridiculous things and it's like no wonder you just got bit, I don't feel bad for you because you're being stupid. I am literally afraid of everything, and TWD has caused me to have a very real fear of walkers (aka da zombies), so like better safe than sorry, ya know?
With all that being said, here is my plan of action. Take notes.
1. Stock up on food and water.
Sure, some people would go for the weapons first, but I am loading up on canned goods and bottles of water. I understand that weapons are important and you can kill all the walkers you want, but if you starve to death or get dehydrated the weapons have done you absolutely no good.
2. Assuming I am still at my house gathering supplies, I am going to grab a backpack and start packing clothes.
This is the one thing that sort of drives me nuts about The Walking Dead: Like, WHY are they all in clothes that are not really practical for fighting zombies (in my mind at least)? I mean I guess I get that you are working with what you have, but still, if death via walker is literally around every corner I’m going for comfort y’all. Maybe this is the sorority girl coming out in me, but I am actually only wearing leggings or running shorts with a t-shirt and tennis shoes. On the show people seriously cannot get away from the walkers who are moving at a literal glacial place. Maybe if you had some running shoes you get away from them dumbies. Pretty sure I could turn into Usain Bolt in .5 seconds if zombies were after me. Really though, the first place I am trying to raid is a Dick’s Sporting Goods. Plenty of sporty clothes that enable you to move while taking out walkers, and like loads of survival stuff too.
3. NOW WE GET TO THE WEAPONS.
Because I’m not the best shot with a gun, I am going to go the Michonne route: KATANA ALL DAY Y’ALL. Yeah, you’d have to wait until the zombies got really close to kill them, BUT you’re able to stay a lot more quiet as not to attract more of them. Not exactly sure where I would go about getting a katana (FYI it's like a samurai sword), but it’s obvi my ideal weapon. Until I could locate one, I would literally take every giant knife from my kitchen. I would like to have a pistol on me as a last resort, but I’d also be on the hunt for some automatic firearm and plenty of ammunition. The Daryl Dixon fangirl in me wants to say I would go for a crossbow, but let’s be honest, there’s no way I could work one of those.
4. Once I have all that loaded up in my car, I am stopping by to get a full tank of gas before everything gets too cray.
I’m also going to take as many containers as I can find to fill up with gas so I don’t have to worry about finding any more for a while. While I’m out, I’m also going to hit up the pharmacy and scavenge whatever heavy meds I can get my hands on. Not trying to have an outbreak like in the prison. Like, if I am going to die, it’s going to be via zombie, not a bad cold. And your life would be super stressful, so a Xanax every now and then could for real come in handy.
5. From there I am going to find somewhere to wait this thing out.
I like the idea of the apartment building like that family the Governor ran up on. They literally didn’t even have to deal with the outside world or walkers, which was ideal. Those idiots left and LOOK WHAT HAPPENED. That’s what you get for listening to the Governor. Other than some sort of building to be held up in, I like the idea that walkers have a hard time dealing with a body of water. Maybe I’d head towards the lake or beach. As always, the prison is a great idea. Just make sure you reinforce those fences y’all. I have recently come up with the idea of digging a huge pit/moat or something and lighting the thing on fire because walkers are attracted to light and it would legit kill so many of them.
Things I would like to have but wouldn’t be concerned about immediately (because I actually wouldn’t know where to get some of them):
An army tank like that crazy man on TWD because DUH
Flame thrower: because zombie ashes can’t bite you
- One of the hammocks that you can tie up in a tree: never know when you’re going to get separated from your group/supplies and zombies can’t climb
- Grenades: a blown up zombie is my favorite kind of zombie
- A boat: get me to an island STAT
Soooo, you're welcome for the survival tips. I highly recommend that all of you immediately get on your Netflix account and get to watching The Walking Dead, because you need to get caught up by the season 5 premiere (I think it's in October). You might think this type of show is not for you, but I promise it's phenomenal. And if you won't listen to me, maybe this picture of TWD's ultimate redneck, hardcore, crossbow totin' hottie that you definitely want to be stuck with in the event of a zombie apocalypse will do the trick:
a) Look at his arms
b) He wears this poncho for an entire season
Much love,
