Now, I have seen this hot mess of a show before but I don't think I ever made it through a complete episode and now I remember why. I can't even begin to describe to y'all how painful it actually was. From never ending flatulence to trying to guess what words were being censored (to say this family uses exotic vocabulary would be a gross understatement) to feeling an overwhelming concern for the baby, I'm pretty sure I'm still traumatized.
I've narrowed down my list of cringeworthy moments from 47 (this is not an exaggeration, it's the actual number...) to a mere six. Enjoy!
1. "PECHES"
An actual sign at a farm stand in good ol' McIntyre, Georgia- an actual town, not just a figment of redneck imagination.
2. Mama June puts everyone's phones in a "safe place" a.k.a. an empty cheese balls container
"Not having my phone really sucks, like monkey balls. Feel like I'm back in, like, medieval times, because when they had black and white TV, when there was no cell phones, ****, I don't see how anyone lasted." -Actual Mama June quote
Historical inaccuracies aside, I tend to agree.
3. Cup-A-Farts
This could potentially be the MOST cringeworthy moment for me... The number of times this family farted or discussed farting was astronomically high. Pair this with the local "pro" wrestling outing and this is probably what redneck heaven is like.
"You fart in your hand and then throw it in your enemies face." -Cup-A-Farts explained. Joy.
The other girls, lovingly referred to as Chubbs, Chickadee and Pumpkin, started the "Cup-A-Farts" chant at the wrestling event and were overjoyed when one of the wrestlers who "was doing good and then he wasn't" (seriously, give this girl Erin Andrews' job...) triumphed after busting out their favorite move. Seriously, watching this show made me appreciate my nice, normal, wrestling-free family more than I ever imagined I could.
4. "Road kill is delicious."
First off, no. The Thompsons prefer roadkill to store bought meat because, "Why waste money in the store when it's fresher and cleaner on the side of the road?" Seriously. Not only did they go find this roadkill, they named it. It was slightly absolutely creepy that they kept calling this thing "Logan." Poor Logan, the pig who apparently didn't look both ways before crossing the street...
And there goes Logan...
5. Redneck Slip'N'Slide
Because they were so bored without their phones, the girls decided to throw together stylish new trash bag dresses, cover the floor in cooking oil and themselves in enough butter to make Paula Deen say, "Y'all need to calm down" and proceed to try and slide around the house. Mostly, they fell a lot. When Mama June comes home, she actually says, "This is what happens every time I leave y'all by y'all selves!" Woah, woah, woah... this is a regular occurance?!
"Mo butter, mo better." -This is the title of the episode. It's kind of like "Mo Money, Mo Problems" but fatter. Fatter than Biggie.
6. Alone Time
All Sugar Bear wants for his birthday is some alone time with Mama June. His plan is to seduce her with a Swiss Roll and she is not impressed.
"If you wanna romance me and you wanna get in my pants, per se- new crockpot, new deep fryer... might get you to first base." -Mama June
This is, thankfully, where the episode ended. I was going to have to turn the channel if they were about to "get frisky."
So there you have it, y'all. This is what the majority of the country sees as a representation of life in the South... ugh. Will you be watching the rest of this season? I don't know if I'll be able to.
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