#HotMessExpress- Wrecking Ball and Chain Edition

via Huffington Post

When I wrote the first #HotMessExpress post, I honestly thought it was going to be a one time thing. Miley had other plans though...

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You're right Miley, they will. Especially if you release the kind of video you just released... So let's talk about it- Wrecking Ball. ughhhh.

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So the conversation probably went something like this...
"Miley, how are we EVER going to top that (now infamous) VMA performance??!?!"

via Buzzfeed

"Well I have this really deep idea for my new video."

via @_conallkeenan

"Perfect. Let's do it! I'm sure it won't be raunchy or sexual at all. Nothing but deep, meaningful symbolism."

So here's the video:

When it first starts, you think, "Hmm... she has really blue eyes. She's not twerking yet so maybe we have the old Miley back..."

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(Mainly, I just want to know what kind of lipstick/stain she is wearing because that stuff DOES NOT MOVE. She rubs her hands and a sledgehammer all over her face and it doesn't budge. That is a quality product right there...)

A little further in you start thinking, "Well this isn't anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be. She could be wearing something else, though. I wouldn't mind that."

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And then she starts licking the sledgehammer...

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And you think, "Of course. After all, she's just being Miley." It's weird and very try too hard but you think, "I guess it could have been a lot worse..."

Then BAM. She's freaking naked, swinging back and forth on a HUGE phallic symbol. (No I'm not going to post a GIF of it. I think this post is scandalous enough...) My AP English teacher would have had a field day with this video, y'all.

Now a lot of Miley fans seem to be getting angry at people for criticizing her when so many other females have been naked in videos.

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via memesdebritneyspears.tumblr.com

What Rihanna and Britney managed to do that Miley COMPLETELY failed was be naked without it being sexual... that's why Miley is being criticized. She be quiet.

Anyway, the video got over 18 million views in less than 24 hours. So regardless of how I feel about her, the conductor of the #HotMessExpress knows how to go viral.

via tvguide.com

In other good news, SNL announced the first three hosts for their new season and Miley is one of them. Here's hoping we get to see more of this...

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I think it's safe to say we will.

But all that twerking has left some people not so impressed.

via dnaindia.com

According to multiple sources, the Ice Queen has removed Miley from the cover of the December issue following her "distasteful" VMA performance. At least someone around here has got a lick of sense!

Until next time, which probably won't be too long at this rate...