#HotMessExpress- Bangerz Review

Alright, so now that the media firestorm that is Miley Cyrus has calmed down a little bit, let's take an actual look at her latest album, 'Bangerz,' shall we? If you already have a preconceived opinion on whether you will like this album or not, you should probably throw that out the window and pull up a seat. 

A little Miley background on me before you start judging- I'm that girl that didn't really stop watching Disney Channel seriously until about two years ago. I've seen the Jonas Brothers in concert four times, and one of those times was even with Miss Miley Cyrus herself, and I even saw High School Musical LIVE in concert. This song was basically my anthem for longer than I would like to admit. I will always root for the home team, and in this case, you better believe Miley was up to bat. Would she actually come through and surprise all of us? I had full faith, but don't think I didn't turn my head in disgust at her VMA's performance just like the rest of America.

Andddd one more thing before we get into the actual review- you absolutely MUST watch this clip of Miley's interview with Ellen. She essentially states that the entire album is a documentation of her relationship/breakup with Liam (cue me freaking out and screaming). Also, ignore the #NOveralls... 

Shall we, kids?

1. Adore You

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/miley-cyrus-and-liam-hemsworth

Alright, so on the opening track, there are a lot of 'baby's' and 'I love you's' being thrown around, hence the title 'Adore You.' To put it bluntly, this is an incredibly intimate and raw song when you actually look at it, but it is most likely the song that you could sway around your kitchen to imagining you have someone to sing it to (cue the #foreveralone feeling). Also, just imagine Miley singing this to Liam (it's weird, we'll just leave it at that).
Notable Lyric: "When you say you love me, know I love you more." Do you really, Miley? Sounds a little desperate, doesn't it?

2. We Can't Stop

http://www.tumblr.com/search/miley+cyrus+gifs

The infamous 'song of the summer,' you have heard this song too many times even if you've been living under a rock. Yes, this is a party anthem, and, yes, the music video is one of the most terrifying things I have ever seen, but you know every word, don't you? Homegirl was smart for releasing this as her first single because it sure as hell grabbed everyone's attention, there is no denying that.

3. SMS (Bangerz)

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Probably the most anticipated track off the album, the title track features none other than Miss Britney Spears. Is she singing? Well, not really. In fact, Brit Brit kind of just speaks in a monotone voice and is completely out-shined by Miley's pipes. There, I said it. SMS also does not stand for 'standard messaging system,' as I had initially thought; Miley uses it as an acronym for 'struttin' my stuff,' which is obviously a lot more fun. In all honesty, I really don't understand this song. No idea why she just keeps saying 'bangerz' over and over again throughout the song. In my personal opinion, this song is the death of Hannah Montana.
Notable Lyric: "Why do I need mili's when I got Billy on the speed dial?" LOLZ BILLY RAY CYRUS 

4. 4x4

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One of my personal favorites from the album, this song is actually so. much. fun. It's literally just about driving trucks around in circles for no reason. No hidden message, just Miley and Nelly cruisin' around, getting covered in mud, all while singing to a circus-esque beat with some spanish guitar. Speaking of Nelly, this is probably the best thing he's done since this atrocity.
Notable Lyric: "Drivin' so fast, bout to piss on myself." #ShesJustBeinMiley

5. My Darlin'

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Okay, so this one features "rapper" 'Future,' and I do not think he is human. He sounds a little bit like a drunk T-Pain (?) and he serves no actual purpose in this song. I also just genuinely not understand this song. I think she might be asking her lover to make a sex tape? But they also broke up? This one should have probably stayed on the cutting room floor, there is no reason my ears needed to go through that torture.
Notable Lyric: "Pictured us walking to the altar, for better or for worse" SORRY MILES THAT SHIP HAS SAILED

6. Wrecking Ball

http://www.crushable.com

I'm going to be real honest here: this song is flawless. We can sit here and argue about the video until the cows come home, but this song... y'all, SHE HAS SOME SERIOUS FEELINGS. If this doesn't scream Liam, then I don't know what does. Case closed.

7. Love Money Party

http://www.fanpop.com

And here we have the album's second party anthem. I had to really listen to this one a couple of times before I made my mind up about it. The chorus is just her saying 'love money party' over and over again, so there's that. There's also not a whole lot of singing on this song; a lot of fast talking about love, money, and (you guessed it!) partying. Most importantly, the song features Big Sean, who saves the song from being an absolute disaster.
Notable Lyric: "Party ain't nothing but a party. When you party everyday, it ain't nothing but a party." I wish I was kidding.

8. #GETITRIGHT

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Now, I'm a sucker for hashtags, so I had some high hopes for this one. I take back what I said earlier- THIS is the death of Hannah Montana. Bye Billy Ray, you might not want to listen to this one. 

Notable Lyrics: none are appropriate

9. Drive

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Another personal favorite from Bangerz, this one is undoubtedly about Liam. For anyone who has ever gone through a breakup that you knew had to happen, but was still incredibly hard no matter what, this is your JAM. The breakdown in the middle of the song is honestly what dreams are made of- it CRANKS. I truly forgot that I was listening to a Miley Cyrus song if that helps you understand how good this is.
Notable Lyrics: "If forever's out the door, I'll ignore when you call" YOU GO GIRL, DON'T ANSWER THAT PHONE

10. FU

http://teencelebgifs.tumblr.com

Hey y'all, can you guess what FU stands for? LOLZ. This song is essentially about texting and it IS EVERYTHING. Obviously, texting a guy 'FU' is not the ultimate weapon, but, in Miley's case, I would really not want to be the person on the receiving end of her text messages. Another interesting rapper named "French Montana" is featured on this song; he doesn't really serve a purpose, so we can just ignore him.
Notable Lyric: "SMH, I brushed a sin on you." LOLZ BRB G2G 

11. Do My Thang

http://giphy.com *Editor's note: GIF doesn't really relate, just showing my feelings towards Miley being a "Southern belle" ...ugh.

PUT THIS ON YOUR RUNNING PLAYLIST IMMEDIATELY. For all you southern belles, congratulations! Miley believes she is one of you. (Hashtag eyeroll.) Of all of the party anthems on Bangerz, this one wins all the awards. Very basic, but straight to the point: let Miley do her thang, y'all.
Notable Lyric: "Don't worry 'bout me, I got it all arranged b*tch. Mind your business, stay in your lane b*tch." OH GURL YOU JUST WENT THERE

12. Maybe You're Right

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This one is actually really sad. I honestly believe Miley wrote this in the privacy of her own bedroom bawling her eyes out after ending things with Liam. Ya know, after Liam confronted her about shaving her head and doing a total 180 and being like 'uhhhh do I still have to marry you?' Yes, Miley- you are crazy. Notable Lyric: "You might think I'm crazy. That I'm lost and foolish, leaving you behind. Maybe you're right" OBVI HE'S RIGHT MILEY YOU WENT PSYCHO.

13. Someone Else

http://teencelebgifs.tumblr.com

THIS IS IT- THIS IS THE SONG. This is the exact moment Miley realized there was no salvaging of her relationship. Besides the obvious fact that she literally transformed into someone else via her dramatic haircut and wardrobe/lifestyle changes, this song lays it all out there. She knows what she sacrificed and she knows what she put Liam through (sorry... I really like pop culture). 
Notable Lyric: "If you're looking for love, know that love don't live here anymore."

14. Rooting For My Baby

http://teencelebgifs.tumblr.com

I think Miss Miley wrote this as a plea to Liam when she realized that she truly would never do better than Gale Hawthorne. All about the pressure he goes through, she's basically just telling him that she is on his side, no matter how it appears. This song almost makes you feel bad for Miley, until you realize that she did all of this to herself, and then it just becomes a sad song.
Notable Lyric: "If you were here, I'd get you a beer and I would hang your clothes." OH SO YOU'RE A HOUSEWIFE NOW?!

15. On My Own

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INDEPENDENCE. FREEDOM. SHE CAN'T BE TAMED Y'ALL. That's essentially this song. She has learned to be on her own, guys. Aren't you proud of her?! 
Notable Lyric: "And when you talk about your dreams, I'm never included" GURLFRIEND YOU ARE 20 YEARS OLD SLOW DOWN

16. Hands in the Air

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The final track on the album, I kind of wish this was the first one I listened to. A slow but intense party anthem featuring none other than Ludacris, this makes me feel like I'm in a slow-mo music video with the lights flashing around me. Also, it sort of sounds like Justin Bieber (?) and I don't really know how to feel about that. MILEY WANTS TO SEE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR, Y'ALL.
Notable Lyric: "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah" 

So, that about sums that up. She may be incredibly strange and disturbed, but her music ain't half bad. It's not like you're going to immediately start twerking uncontrollably if you admit to liking her music. 

And just a sidenote, I miss Hannah Montana and was a little more than upset that this song was not redone for Bangerz. Carry on.

Follow Paige on Twitter- @paigemarjorie.